The fear.

I’d like to share one of my most traumatic experiences so far.

Last year on a Saturday my parents got into an accident. Thankfully my family survived with no scratches, only the memory of the hit. I’m totally terrified at the idea, up untill today. My heart breaks and I feel so suffocated whenever I think about it. Cause I know that if I was in the car I wouldn’t survived it. Not mentally. It’s one of the worst feelings I’ve ever felt, and I wasn’t even in the vechile with them.

I have this fear. The fear of getting hurt. Like physical. I get panic attacks when I hurt myself accidentally. My whole body goes almost dead, my tongue swell up, my throat goes dry immediately and I go dizzy. In an instant!

After the accident of my parents I’ve been more observant than ever! I think that comes with trauma. It’s like my eyes and feelings are more awake, I’m more observant than ever.

It’s Monday morning and I’m on my way to college. The bus drove a little slow, obviously that something ahead is slowed down. We passed an accident scene and my heart dropped. First it was a car. With minor dents. As we drove past the car my heart almost jumped out of my chest, another vehicle was laying on its roof, it was a horrible sight. I felt so so bad, nauseous. It’s like a part of me that’s being ripped apart. I don’t know why, but my heart just bleeds for people in accidents.

Once went to Northern Cape for the weekend and driving there, I mean we’ve been driving to Calvinia for the last foreverness since I can remember, this time it was different. We were driving with the new car. Not that I don’t have trust in my dad, but accidents are beyond his control. And I was shit scared that we would get into an accident. We got in Calvinia safe, even still my nerves worked over time.

On our way home from the weekend we were stuck a little, first we forgot to greet my dad’s sister so we went back there but she was still in work. We drove then my mom remembered that we forgot the meats we bought. So we turned around and went to pick it up. As we were waiting for it, my aunt knocks from work and we greet her a goodbye. We got the meat and we were off.

As we drove there was a vehicle and people standing waving for help. My dad never pulls off to help, reason is people are cruel and use that as a tactic. So my dad pulled off and we were out on helping them. 2 hours passed by and we couldn’t get the vehicle up and running. We decided to drive a mile or two to get some signal to make a phone call for help. We drove like 4 miles before we could get signal. We successfully got assistance from a garage to come help the poor people. And we were off on the road again. They were all religious people and they’d put us on the road with a prayer and a Thank you.

We passed the mountain and came off on a accident minutes before we arrived. I got goosebumps instantly when I saw blue lights. Cause I knew what this means. It was a massive accident. A truck and a car. And it was in God’s will that we had to help those people along the road to save us from the accident ahead. I wanted to cry cause it wasn’t just a lucky for us. But the Lord has a plan for everything. And most we don’t understand but in the long run it becomes clear. And I’m just grateful to be here typing this out. Grateful for the mercy upon my life.

We got home safe that Monday morning. I went to work and heard there was another accident where 4 life’s were taken.

It’s sad to hear about these stuff I literally have goosebumps talking about it.

If you’ve lost a dear friend or family member in a accident, my heart goes out to you. May God always be with you all!